Interestingly, we can work systemically with that, too. Over the years, I have had the privilege of working with refugees who have been separated from their homes and families.
Often, they have no idea whether the people they grew up with are even alive. This is an extreme example, and yet it offers a way to share with you just how deeply profound the systemic approach can be, regardless of whether – for whatever reason – we are able to have the other person physically present.
In essence, we work with the spirit of the absent person. I am not talking about a mystical process. I’m talking about the spirit of the other person as you experience them within yourself.
Your relationship with them and lived experience of them. The systemic approach recognises the relationship exists regardless of whether you woke up together this morning or haven’t seen this person for years. And we can work with that. Deeply, lightly, however it arises for you.
It’s such a whole and rich process full of flexible potential that meets you wherever you are in this moment.
Just to show you how flexible the systemic approach can be: you can adapt as you go!
For me as a therapist, one of the things that I love and that I find works so well for clients, is the opportunity to fit the approach to your needs as they emerge. Some sessions make sense to share, and sometimes, it can be helpful to process as individuals and then come back together and share collectively in the emerging changes together. When I am working with Attachment processes, this can be especially useful.
The thing I hope you take from reading this – and from all of the information you explore on this website – is that good therapy meets you where you are and is about co-creating a relationship which supports you in exploring whatever it is that is present for you in this moment.
For me, the best processes I have used myself have been ones of relational trust, non-judgemental regard for all of who I am as a person, and willing to be flexible and able to adapt with me through the journey of change.
As a therapist, the processes that I have witnessed with clients, that they tell me have made a big difference, are the ones that sometimes surprise them, the genuine sense of connection with another human, and the opportunity to experience relational perspectives that they had never realised before.
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